Time changes motherhood, but one thing will always remain the same – love.
I cannot describe motherhood in any other way.
I remember what it was like being pregnant – and I know that not all stories of motherhood begin this way, but this is how mine began. I remember thinking how strange this concept was. That we could literally grow another human inside us. That we could create this into existence.
I couldn’t wait to meet her.
In my arms I held my best friend and the greatest love I could ever imagine. Maybe that’s why we were made to bear all that pain, so we knew the strength required to raise them. The strength required to love them.
Having my daughter brought out everything I never knew about myself. It changed who I was. She made me reflect on how I was raised, how I was seen (or unseen). But most of all, loving her showed me that it was actually easy to love me.
For my daughter, a mother’s love is the taste of my kisses and the warmth of my hugs. For my mother it was filling me with the food I loved. It was leaving a place with everyone and everything she knew behind. It was raising us the best she knew how, in a country that was new.
I think about how different our lives are, from my mother’s to mine – how being born in this time changes what motherhood looks like.
Motherhood to me is breaking cycles of generational trauma. Learning and letting go of the emotional baggage of generations before us. Motherhood is advocating for balance at home – clean, cook, and raise children while expecting partnership.
Motherhood is standing up for what’s right, and knowing that it’s okay to be happy, because it means that your children will be too. It’s navigating separation, divorce, and blended families. In most South Asian homes, for a very long time, motherhood meant sacrifice.
Motherhood is trying to raise a daughter to be brave, bold and independent while having to face the brave, bold and independent. This is both exhausting and exhilarating at the same time.
As I said earlier, time changes motherhood, but one thing will always remain the same – love.
So, to all the mothers, take one day at a time. We are doing the best we can. Understand our mothers before us with love, and breathe in the sweetness of our babies.
The day she first lay on my chest, those big brown eyes looked up into mine and I knew, in that moment, that no matter what I did, she would love me forever. I wouldn’t be who I am without her.
This kind of love, I did not know before her.
Top image – Pictured: Helani Sarath-Kumara. Source: Supplied/Mike Daroy
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