While Valentine’s Day has traditionally been a celebration of romantic love (and still is for many), we’ve gradually seen the day lend itself to celebrations of different kinds of love. For some people, February 14 is just another day in the calendar. Meanwhile the ‘Galentine’s Day’ rebrand has popularised the celebration of female friendships. V-Day has also become a day to cherish other platonic friendships and familial bonds.
No matter the nature of the relationship, one thing is consistent: love languages ultimately come into play, yet not everyone necessarily knows what their love language is. While many younger South Asians are more in tune with the ways in which they express love, older generations often shy away from openly speaking about it.
According to Sydney-based psychologist Cherry Kura, second generation South Asian Australians mightn’t hear their parents say “I love you”, or even know that there’s a concept called ‘love languages’. Yet, unspoken behaviour is actually, well… speaking volumes in terms of affection, care and connection.
“In many South Asian families, love can be a silent language,” Kura tells Draw Your Box. “It’s the plate of sliced fruit brought to your room, the ride to the airport, or the way a meal is kept warm.
“While these gestures are deeply meaningful, it can exist in the quiet and leaves much to be translated. For the second generation, [there’s a growing awareness that being helpful to others isn’t the same as being known. We are embracing the agency to teach our loved ones how to show up for us and to understand each other more intentionally.”
Kura says communication is fundamental in “removing relational guesswork”. There’s no shame in sharing what you personally need for a relationship to thrive between friends, family or a partner.
“Reframing the act of asking allows us to see that expressing our needs isn’t a selfish demand, but rather a relational act of care,” she explains.
“In my psychological therapy practice, I often describe love languages or needs expression as a relational roadmap – a way to ensure the care you’re giving and receiving actually lands where it is intended and most impactful. A major barrier to this is the cognitive bias known as ‘mind reading’.
“In relationships, this manifests as the silent assumption that if someone truly cares for us, they should instinctively know our needs without being told. However, when we do not bring our needs to the surface, they remain undetected (since no one possesses the superhuman or telepathic ability to guess them), eventually curdling into frustration or resentment.”
Meanwhile, Sydney’s Poonam Gururajan says that through her wedding planning business The Maharani Diaries (which specialises in South Asian weddings), she’s noticed that “many couples genuinely love each other deeply, but conflict or resentment can arise simply because love is being expressed in a way the other person doesn’t instinctively recognise”.
“From my perspective as a wedding planner, I see time and time again how important it is for people to understand not just their love language, but their partner’s as well,” Gururajan tells Draw Your Box.
“Having the language to talk about this and actively meeting each other where they feel most loved. It can be grounding, not just during wedding planning but long after the wedding day.”
Echoing Kura’s comments around the intergenerational differences in South Asian communities, Gururajan says: “Working primarily with South Asian and multicultural couples, I often notice generational and cultural differences in how love is expressed.
“For many parents, love shows up through acts of responsibility or sacrifice rather than verbal affirmation or overt romance. Younger couples, particularly the second generation South Asians or even interracial couples – they tend to be more aware of love languages and more willing to talk about emotional needs openly. This can sometimes create friction, but also opens the door to deeper understanding across generations.”
With all of this in mind, today we share a roundup of views from 20 South Asians in Australia. They share what their love language is and why it resonates with them.
Nads
Love language: Words of affirmation
Communication is everything to me. I believe expressing and talking about how we’re feeling and being open with each other speaks volumes about trust, compassion and empathy in a relationship.
Ruby
Love language: Quality time
Best I can figure is that as a child I was always treated as a nuisance and in the way, which translated to me feeling rejected and unloved.
Tanya
Love Language: Acts of service
That’s how my parents would express love, so it’s probably ingrained in me.
Ojaswi
Love language: Receiving gifts
For me, the exchange of a gift is a profound act of intentionality. When I’m choosing something for someone, they are in my thoughts the entire time. It’s a process of ‘active listening’ – learning their habits, noticing their quiet needs, and studying their likes and dislikes to find that perfect fit. Adding my own personal spin is how I translate my gratitude into something they can hold; it’s a tangible way to say, ‘I see you and I appreciate who you are’.
Because I know the heart that goes into that process, I deeply cherish any thoughtful gift I receive. To me, the gift and the giver become one and the same. I don’t just value the object; I cherish the time, the observation, and the care that someone took to understand my world. It is, quite simply, one of the loveliest ways to show and receive love.
Manpreet
Love language: Words of affirmation
It’s layered. Spiced. Slow-cooked.
Divya
Love language: Acts of service
Words can be temporary, and easily be a result of the heat of the moment. But actions leave a long lasting impact. Actions come from a place of deep thinking and caring about someone you love.
Urvi
Love language: Quality time
I have realised that the lack of quality time has affected my relationships (and thereby, my mental health) negatively. When I spend quality time with someone, it builds my relationships. I also realise that I often look forward to time with my loved ones as compared to someone who I don’t connect with well or don’t align in values with – they definitely don’t get quality time with me.
Tash
Love language: Words of affirmation
I guess… I like to hear, and I feel loved and seen.
Naveen
Love language: Quality time
Simple, it means you are being heard and understood.
Ashita
Love language: Words of affirmation
I don’t have exactly one love language. But I think affirmation is much closer to my heart. I’m confident when my partner recognises and appreciates small things in our day-to-day life.
LM
Love language: Quality time
In addition to taking a test to figure out my love language ages ago, a focus on love languages were also part of the Catholic marriage prep we did before my husband and I got married. Even with friends and family, nothing fills me up more than spending time together engaged in a meaningful convo or activity. During a chat, if the other person’s constantly on their phone, it really grates on me!
A
Love language: Acts of service
Action requires effort and in general, effort is a clear indication of your care and love.
Priya
Love language: Acts of service
Everyday little acts of service can make someone’s day! I have lived this. I love words of affirmation too, but actions glow up my heart.
Chris
Love language: Quality time
Time is valuable, and the other person needs to know they are important in our lives. And time cannot be bought.
Amarjeet
Love language: Acts of service
For me, it’s actions that feel more real and reliable .I’ve grown up in an environment where words didn’t match behaviour and with this, love feels more tangible . Things like making coffee , picking up groceries, and doing chores feel like more supportive ways to show love. Actions do create predictability and therefore safety, and it just reassures the nervous system more than verbal affirmations.
Neha
Love language: Words of affirmation
I think it’s important to express and let the person know when they are valuable and appreciated. I would love to hear the same. Maybe that’s why I believe it’s an act of kindness as well as encouragement to the person to whom you affirm.
Bal
Love language: Acts of service
It’s about being authentic, not self-centred and a real team player.
Prerna
Love language: Quality time
Time is the ultimate luxury and giving someone your time and undivided attention is creating space for genuine, intimate connections – which then opens up doors for all other love languages to flow.
Manisha
Love language: Acts of service
These days I value time far more than things.
Yash
Love language: Quality time
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