Society often presents motherhood as either beautifully blissful or as a bringer of chaos, but the experience of being a mum can't be described one-dimensionally. There's a spectrum of emotions and experiences that come with motherhood, and every person has a different story. From sleepless nights to shifting responsibilities and deciding when to go to work, women face a myriad of challenges once they become a mother.
For many South Asian women in Australia, there are added layers of complexity, as they consider everything from relatives' unsolicited advice, to stigmas around mental health, the responsibility to share cultural traditions, and maintaining one's own sense of self while living between two cultures. –
This Mother's Day, we embrace the diversity of motherhood stories amongst brown communities, as we speak to six South Asian women about what motherhood means to them.
Nisha
What does motherhood mean to you?
Motherhood is those tiny little feet and hands slowly growing in the palm of my hands. It’s those sleepless nights watching him fall asleep, only to wake to the little cries moments later. It’s seeing the calmness that soothes him when he's held close in my arms and against my chest. To me, motherhood is the loudest unspoken love.
How has life changed since you became a mum?
7am wakes to the sound of "AMMA"!! Cuddles and cheeky snacks in bed before breaky. Weekly weekend rituals including french toast coated in a little too much maple syrup and a tonne of strawberries. Finding at least one lollipop and mini train in almost every handbag. Sometimes it’s past 3pm, and I’m still in my PJs and rocking a mum bun. The hardest part of motherhood is the expectations, the guilt, the worry. The easiest part is loving, deeply and unconditionally.
How important is it to you to maintain and teach South Asian culture to your offspring?
I’m incredibly proud of my roots. My South Asian culture and identity isn’t just my skin colour and DNA. It also comes from the cultural opportunities my immigrant parents created for me in a western country, and the experiences and influences I have had throughout my life. Whilst I know there are lot of western influences, I believe our culture could be shared with our children, and can be fostered through traditions at home.
Vithyaa
What does motherhood mean to you?
I thought it’d be a sacrifice of my own wants and desires. I was wrong. It’s not a sacrifice, it is a choice. I place a choice to put my baby’s needs before mine. Motherhood is the unconditional love for a little human who is dependent on me, and being able to guide and teach that little human about the world through my eyes. It is challenging at times but I know I’m doing well when my little human looks at me and just smiles instantly.
How has life changed since you became a mum?
I have a human that is dependent on me 24/7. To say that it has been adjustment doesn’t seem to sum it up correctly. The first 6 months were so hard, I had lost my identity and just felt like I was a mother and nothing else. I felt like I dived into the unknown that is motherhood despite all the research I had done. There was a lot of unsolicited advice and criticism whilst tackling post-natal depression.
I’m now managing it all and appreciative that life for me is a delicate balance between work, business, being a wife, a mother, and somehow managing to look after myself. There are times I wish he would sleep a little bit longer just so I can get some work done or I can pump for the full 30 minutes. Then again, I just love spending time with him playing and cuddling, that my to-do list doesn’t seem so urgent as it did 5 minutes ago.
How important is it to you to maintain and teach South Asian culture to your offspring?
As a first-generation Australian with parents who are both Tamil-Sri Lankan, I was raised to fit into the Australian society which in the early 90s was very white. As a result, I didn’t speak my mother tongue and didn’t have many friends from ethnic backgrounds. So I was very white-washed and I was bullied because of the colour of my skin, so I resented the culture and my background.
That sense of belonging only came to me as an adult when I started to immerse myself in our culture by hanging out with more South Asians. My most vivid memory of this was not having to explain why I am vegetarian only on Fridays. As a second generation, my son will never know what is like to grow up in Sri Lanka.
I am a late bloomer to the South Asian culture and very often I am still learning new things. So as I continue my journey embracing my heritage, I will ensure my son celebrates and embraces his heritage. I have made a promise to myself as my son learns to read, write and speak Tamil, I will also learn through him.
What does motherhood mean to you?
To me, motherhood means being the best version of myself so that I can set the best example of myself for Anara. Motherhood means inspiring and modelling for the next generation. Motherhood means unconditional love.
How has life changed since you became a mum?
Motherhood has completely changed my life. It's shown me how I was raised and made me conscious of what to do, and what not to do, in my own journey of being a mother.
How important is it to you to maintain and teach South Asian culture to your own offspring?
It is a part of who I am. There are parts of our culture that I value and am grateful are a part of me, are a part of how I live my life. When raising Anara, I'll pass those onto her because it's a part of who she is.
Ana
What does motherhood mean to you?
Motherhood is so full of surprises, unexpected learnings, unimaginable exhaustion, lots of laughter and endless awe at the beauty and healing children bring to our lives.
How has life changed since you became a mum?
I feel like I am constantly evolving and becoming a new person. Motherhood is an active process that challenges us to be better and more authentic versions of ourselves. I have become more patient and conscious on my journey towards gentle parenting. I have also become stronger, possibly more fierce, to be able to provide support to my little one when she is unwell or faces challenges. Being a mum, also makes me a better filmmaker – as I now have a deeper understanding of the difficulties of parenting and I can tell more authentic stories for so many in the audience who have experience with parenthood.
How important is it to you to maintain and teach South Asian culture to your own offspring?
Although I am raising a child who will be a global citizen, I know the importance of knowing our cultural roots. Language is an important part of retaining one’s culture. I sing songs in Hindi and we have kids' books in Hindi at home. My little one, Samaya also dresses in Indian clothes sometimes and we try to celebrate most festivals. I make sure she has South Asian friends and watches some kids' shows from South Asia. Once she gets her Covid vaccines, we will travel with her to South Asia too, to make sure she has a strong connection with her heritage and extended family back home.
Janani
What does motherhood mean to you?
I feel empowered to be a mum. We are the silent heroes who make a difference for our families. For me, it means we are able to face many challenges and yet we are so resilient.
How has life changed since you became a mum?
I was always afraid how my priorities would change once I had kids, especially because I was running a business. It has taught me to be softer, more understanding and definitely more patient.
How important is it to you to maintain and teach South Asian culture to your own offspring?
Living in Australia for most of my life, I’m very grateful that I can still understand and speak Tamil. I don’t want my kids to forget their roots. Whether it’s doing a cultural art form or being friends with other South Asian children, it gives me comfort they are connected in some way.
Vyshnavee
What does motherhood mean to you?
I think motherhood is not necessarily just biological but the range of maternal influences you have in your life, including aunties, grandparents or even your friends’ parents. They all help shape your perception of motherhood.
How important is it to you to maintain and teach South Asian culture to your own offspring?
I think as you get older, you appreciate the investment your parents made in forging cultural connections, and in some ways, there’s a small part of you that wants to replicate your upbringing for your kids.